It's Not the Cookies- it's Your Self-Talk

You know what's actually derailing your progress?

It's not the missed workout.

It's not the cookies- it's your self-talk.

Let me give you an example...

Recently a client of mine was telling me how she'd made progress on a task that she's really been struggling to just sit down and get herself to do.

I said "That's great! Good job!"

And her next words were "I don't think it was a good job. I could have done better."

She had a win and instantaneously discounted it. It just wasn't good enough.

When was the last time you did this to yourself?

Or are you even aware that you're doing it? 🤔

Another client told me he got a walk in at the gym, but rolled his eyes as if it didn't count because "all he did was walk"- ignoring the fact that building the habit of going to the gym is what we're working on and he succeeded.

When I asked if looking at his efforts as not really worth it made him feel encouraged or demotivated his response was that it made him feel tired.

Let's be real- if you're feeling tired do you want to go to the gym? No you probably have a YouTube binge on the couch instead. It's even worse if the tired you're feeling is partially induced by your own negative self-talk, right?

You may be thinking "I'm not being negative! I'm being realistic!"

Here's the thing... you can be realistic AND positive at the same time. I'll show you how here in a sec. But first...

How are you doing this to yourself? Negation, or discounting our wins, shows up a lot as "I did this, BUT..." It could look like:

I only had two beers at my Dad's when I normally have 3! But really I shouldn't have had any...

I made it to the gym today! But I didn't have time to finish... probably wasn't even worth going in...

There's a gagillion sneaky ways we do this to ourselves. And all it does is discourage, demotivate, and leave us feeling defeated.

Listen, I get it. You have goals you're trying to achieve, and you want them ASAP! So, you're determined to go all in ALL THE TIME. Kudos to you for being so determined! But let's go back to that whole being realistic thing...

You're all in 1000% until you get off work late/your kid is sick/you eat a cookie and things don't go exactly as planned, then you beat yourself up, backslide, and ultimately work your way back forward again. On repeat.

Reminder: It's not the cookie- it's your self-talk. Because I bet you had some choice words to yourself about eating that cookie, felt like a failure, and maybe even ate 5 more.

So how do you stop doing this to yourself? REFRAMING. Aka ya flip it!

Take whatever the circumstance is and find a positive or "room for growth" way of looking at it. Here are some examples for the statements above:

I only had 2 beers at my dad's when I normally have 3! And since I did so well, I think I'm going to try to limit myself to 1 next time.

Despite not having time to finish my whole workout at the gym today I'm proud of myself for showing up when previously I would have just skipped and thrown off my flow for a week or two.

See what I did there?

In the first one we see the tiny steps of growth and look forward to the next opportunity for more growth.

Because that's how REAL change happens. Little steps at a time.

In the second one we see how a new healthy habit is winning out over old unhelpful habits in the past.

Because REAL change locks in when we notice how what we're doing now is different than in the past.

Notice how both of those positive statements are also realistic?

Being able to reframe will keep you progressing consistently because you will feel more motivated, more empowered, and more positive.

Self-talk will truly make or break your progress.

Pay attention to how you speak to yourself over this next week and note how it makes you feel. Then note what actions follow those feelings.

Work on flipping it to something more positive AND realistic and see how that changes your feelings and therefore your actions.

If you'd like some support with rewiring this pattern- instead of trying to do it all by yourself- send me a message here and let's get connected!