Sometimes there is just...a lot of stuff...
Women feel this in several different ways (especially you mommas out there).
Having to do things like:
take care of your kids
walk the dog
help your husband find the ketchup that plain as day is on the third shelf down on the fridge door
complete a project at work
meet your workout buddy at the gym
throw away the 347th bag of raw spinach you bought with good intentions of supplying a healthier dinner option that's rotting in the back of the fridge
There's always something.
I struggle with it, too. There are times where I get stuck in my head trying to figure out which thing I should do first. I might finally settle on one, but the whole time I'm trying to work on it in there are 300 other things zooming around like a hummingbird on crack. It can become paralyzing yet somehow make me feel like I'm moving way too damn fast.
I can't even tell you how many times (a gagillion thousand probably) I've had a plan for what I needed to do for the day and something with my schedule completely changes, I'm waiting on someone or something else to do something before I can act, or my mood/mindset/physical meh gets in the way.
Next thing I know I'm jumping from one task to the next and not completing any of them. Or I'm sticking to one task but it is SO DAMN HARD to see it through to completion. Or I find myself overwhelmed into inaction and I end up scrolling through social media like a zombiefied 15 year old. And all I can think is...it shouldn't be this effing hard...what is wrong with me??
Feel me on this??
I can see some of ya'll in the back raising your hands. Thank you. Solidarity.
I find typically what is actually wrong, and I bet you'll be able to relate, is that I haven't taken care of my own needs...to completion.
Sooo what does that mean you ask? Peep below.
There are two areas where we get stuck on truly fulfilling our needs. One is not even taking the time in the first place and the other is not letting ourselves actually be present for our own self-care. When we take some time to do something we enjoy or to re-center ourselves like walk the dog, hang out with a friend, do yoga, or maybe even just take a couple of minutes to sit and breath we tend to be...elsewhere.
How many times have you...
sank into a candle lit bubble bath with a glass of wine only to have nagging thoughts keep popping up like "I have too many things to do. I shouldn't be wasting my time soaking in the tub."
headed to the gym and on the way you thought "How can I spend time at the gym when I'm already away from home a lot working and I never get to see my husband and kids?"
tried to de-scatter your brain at work and... "I can't afford to do a few minutes of meditation when I have this giant project due on Friday!"
and this list goes on FOREVER. We will always have a reason why not to do the things that reset us because we think they aren't as important.
But I gotta ask...
Why wouldn't our needs be important? Why isn't it okay to take 15 minutes to do a meditation or an hour to go to the gym or even 4 hours to go see friends and have a beverage when the rest of our 14+ waking hours are spent doing things for others every damn day?
I can hear women (especially moms) everywhere saying "AMEEEEN" "YEESSSS PREACH IT" *insert all of the clapping and high five emojis here*
I have a fact to point out here.
Your needs are just as important as everyone else's!
I think women have a hard time accepting this because we are typically taught to always do things for others. Yet we aren't always taught how to cultivate where all of the energy comes from to do all of the doing for others.
HINT HINT It comes from doing what you need to for yourself.
A mom on my Facebook newsfeed posted the other day about how her mental health hadn't been great with all the adulting and momming and not taking time for herself. So she'd finally gone to get her hair and nails done, plus a spray tan, and she was feeling much better-completely turned around! Kudos to her for taking care of herself! If something that simple is what gets you to glow up-GO DO IT. It's not a waste of time or money if it helps you feel and do better. I've done the getting my nails done thing and I'm not gonna lie it does give ya a certain kind of "I'm feelin myself" type of glow.
More recently for me, like super recently right before I wrote this, I was all over the place struggling with several tasks squawking around in my brain box. I'd managed to focus on one task that just seemed so. hard. to. complete. But just felt guilty for not working on any of the other squawking tasks. I just generally felt like I wasn't doing enough while also doing too much. Quite the frustrating conundrum lemme tell ya.
And I kept thinking... I need to do some meditation... Just go meditate... Quit pushing go meditate! BISH STOP TRYING TO DO THINGS YA TRIPPIN.
Funny how if we actually pay attention to ourselves we can figure out what we really need.
So I journaled, then I did a meditation by Boho Beautiful, and ended with a yoga session by Boho Beautiful. It was about 45 minutes in total that I was in the present moment. I shut off the auto-guilt response that likes to flare up 85% of the time I try to do something for myself and suddenly my creative juices are flowing again, I feel much more relaxed, my mind is clearer, and I'm feeling productive.
My fellow badass women trying to accomplish all of the things-take time for yourselves-especially when you feel like you don't have time or you feel guilty even considering it. That's when you need it the most. Find whatever works for you and do it unapologetically and without guilt.
You deserve it.
You are worth it.
Take these affirmations with you if they resonate:
I will take care of myself unapologetically
I deserve to invest in my own wellness
My needs are important.
Be well. Mind. Body. Soul.
