What I Wish I Knew About Sleep, Anxiety, and Stress in My 20s

I dunno about you, but I spent my 20s thinking I was invincible. I mean I wouldn't actually say that or think it consciously, but my behaviors, on the other hand, were quite telling. As it is for a lot of us, I think, once we get to our 30s and beyond we're confronted with the results of this mindset and think my my how things have changed. My past choices have caught up with me and now I must handle the consequences.

C'est la vie.

Awhile back I was reflecting on some things, as one does (hopefully), and my mental DeLorian took me back to the year 2017 (ish) when I was in a session with my therapist and he'd asked me if I'd been exercising, eating well, and what my sleep was like. All of that led to me getting the homework of tracking my sleep for a couple of weeks which included when I went to bed, when I woke up, and what my caffeine intake was like. Upon review it was clear that I needed to go to bed earlier and reduce my caffeine intake. But, of course, I told myself this wasn't really possible- my life was busy with working multiple jobs, a dog, a boyfriend, ya know- being alive. (We'll just ignore that really it was more like- I have TV to watch and scrolling to do! According to my actions anyways.) Man, what I wish I knew about sleep, anxiety, and stress when I was in my 20s!

Come on, I know you've done something like this too- told yourself you didn't have the time when really you just use your time really suckily (Is that a word? Probably not. It is now!)

Soooo, not a whole lot changed for me back then. I was more in the mindset that life was throwing me about rather than I was riding the waves- if you know what I mean. Talk about giving away my power! 🙃

Therefore, I continued to operate on crappy sleep, questionable dietary choices, a sort of existing exercise habit, and a major lack of personal responsibility, then had the audacity to wonder why I felt so gross a lot of the time. 🙄 According to my Fitbit from 2018-2020 I averaged 6 or less hours of sleep per night. Ya'll. I was NOT okay!

Is any of this resonating with you?

It's funny how we'll suffer and then act like we have zero control over our lives. Sure, there are times where life lifes HARD. But if life keeps lifing so hard you might wanna take a step back and look at how you could be (are) contributing to your own struggles.

I could have gone to bed earlier. I could have put my phone down, turned off the TV, done something to wind myself down, and worked my way to more sleep. I wouldn't have felt like I needed as much caffeine then (that's a whole other story in itself). I would have been more efficient at work. I would have had more energy to workout and prepare food. I probably would have avoided some stress and had less anxiety.

But, alas, I'm a slow learner sometimes...

There have been several phases of my life where anxiety has felt extra heavy- like it's trying to take over my existence. In 2023 I'd reached a new peak. Ya know how you just have years here and there that totally suck ass? Yeah, that was 2023 for me. And the extra sucky part was that I did it to myself.  Anxiety was kicking my ass. I didn't want to leave my apartment for anything. Work. Grocery shopping. Friends. It didn't matter. As soon as I was in my car there was a tightness in my chest, it felt harder to breathe, I wanted to cry, and I felt absolutely ridiculous. Plus, my self-talk was crap and I'd spiral thinking I'd never be able to go out into the world and do more than...barely hold it together.

While there were a lot of things in my life that were truly heavy and stressful that were contributing to this feeling there was also this general lack of self-care that was causing me to be less resilient in the face of it all.

It's a pattern I've noticed when I reflect back- anxiety and stress are always worse when my self-care is out the window.

This is gonna sound silly. Like too easy. But there was a night I slept really well and I was surprised by how...settled?...I felt during the day. I didn't have this spastic, charged, shaky feeling right from the start like I normally did. I wasn't a negative Nancy right off the bat. It's not like that's the first time that ever happened either. It was just the first time I noticed it.

I finally started to pay more attention to my sleep and how it was affecting my life- with the intention of actually making things better. While this is something I'm still working on (I'm definitely averaging above 6 hours of sleep now) I've already noticed changes.

I'm not saying getting good sleep fixed everything in my life- but it definitely made me way more capable of handling things that came my way.

Now like I said I can be a slow learner. That's probably not even the right term. A slow action taker. LOL yeah that fits in too many contexts. So, this is a work still in progress (and I'll be honest writing this post has actually motivated me to double down on it even more).

So here are a few tips to improve your sleep and your sanity:

1 Allow the possibility to exist that you actually can get better sleep

This might sound a little cray cray, but your mindset around sleep actually makes a big difference. If you don't believe it can get better, you're absolutely right. Back in 2017 I was convinced that it just wasn't doable, but it was. I just didn't want to take the necessary actions. Would I have been able to manage a full 8 hours a night? That...maybe not...but we're not aiming for perfection here we're aiming for better which leads me to my next point...

2 Aim for better sleep not perfect sleep

I think we can reinforce our sleeping difficulties when we get so determined to get the 8 hours of sleep that's always bouncing out of people's mouths as the ideal timeframe for waking up like a queen. But when you're starting at a strong 5 hour average jumping to 8 is...well... a JUMP. So, instead, simply focus on better. Eight hours will still be floating around out there once you've nailed down 6 and 7 hours. Heck you may feel the most rested at 7.5 and not even need 8. Be flexible.

3 Optimize your sleep environment

We aren't aiming for perfection, but we sure are aiming to get it as good as we can. So that means:

• Set the "just right" lighting for you- whether it's pitch black or you have a night light

• Make sure the temperature is a comfortable cool

• Get the noise levels to where you need them whether it's silence or a fan or something else

• Set up your space so you're comfortable. If that means having your bed pushed into the corner, then get to it!

• Make sure your space is clean and decluttered- nothing like trying to sleep when that pile of wrinkly, unfolded laundry is staring judgmentally at you from across the room

Cozy or not cozy?

4 Have a nighttime routine that doesn't include watching TV or scrolling socials until you fall asleep

Or if you're like me you play a game on your phone until your eyes start to cross and then you finally put your phone down. I'm not gonna lie this can be effective, but then sometimes I have weird dreams about a Tetris like game where I can never get the blocks to go away. Anyway, in my opinion, the ideal nighttime routine has these 3 things...

• Prepares you for the next day so your morning isn't so cray (check out my blog post 5 Nightly Habits to Make Your Mornings Less Hectic)

• Winds you down and helps you let go of the day (try brain dump journaling your to do list for the next day so you can let go for the night and not worry about forgetting anything)

• Doesn't have to be the exact same thing or length of time each night- it fits your needs for that evening

5 Make SMALL changes

If you're regularly going to bed at 1 am right now, then stop trying to go to bed at 10:00 pm. It's a feat of balderdash-like proportions. You will lie there awake for the next 2 hours twiddling your thumbs or sinking into a spiral of overthinking or you'll inevitably reach for your phone cuz #bored and end up right back where you are now.

Small. Steps. It can be 5 minutes small even. Aim for 12:55 the first few nights. then 12:50 and so on. That will make it much more achievable.

Sleep is the foundation of your overall wellness.

It's not "Sleep is for the weak". Sleep is for the people who want to show up strong.

It's not "I'll sleep when I'm dead" because you NEED it if you want to live- and live WELL.

If anxiety is something you struggle with then I encourage you to take a close look at what your sleep is like. There's likely going to be a correlation there.

It can be sleep ⬇️ anxiety & stress ⬆️ OR sleep ⬆️ anxiety & stress ⬇️

The tips above are exactly what I work with my clients on inside my SNAP Method program. We actually start with sleep because of how important and foundational it is to anything else they're trying to accomplish. Learn more about it here!