So many people are stressed and anxious. Whether it’s a job, family things, health, trauma that hasn’t been healed- the list goes on- we find ourselves overwhelmed, scattered, exhausted, and sometimes a little hopeless. We can feel completely out of control and like we’re doomed to run on this hamster wheel until we die.
BUT I have good news! It DOES NOT have to be this way!
As someone who once identified as a professional anxious person (I'm now in the process of retiring) I have learned that there are three things in particular that can really amp up your stress and anxiety- and they may not even be on your radar. And if they aren't on your radar then you can't do anything about them. So this blog post is meant to get them on your radar so you can become more EMPOWERED.
Thing one: Your self-talk is probably crappy at best and absolutely destructive at worst.
Do you ever find yourself thinking or saying out loud lines like...
“I’m an anxious person”
“My anxiety would never let me….”
“My anxiety is always getting in the way”
“I wish my anxiety would just go away”
I’ve said all of these- and still do now and then (hence I'm in the process of retiring). There was a time where I just hoped anxiety would go away- that I’d, like, grow out of it or something. Then sometime in my mid-twenties I realized it never would just go away. I found that to be weirdly empowering at the time. I didn’t have to sit around and wait anymore because I knew there was nothing to wait for. BUT… and this is a big but here… that wasn’t the end of that. While the inner turmoil of waiting for it to just go away subsided there was still the whole turmoil of... well...dealing with it. Years of frustration and struggle had to go by for me to finally admit to myself that I actually had to do something about it rather than just complain about how much it sucks and ruminate on the traumas and life situations that contributed to its existence.
Important side note on traumas since anxiety is often rooted in it:
We aren’t responsible for our traumas, but we are responsible for how we handle the aftermath and who we become.
That's how we take our power back.
So, while there is a lot to self-talk here are the main things I want you to consider:
Anxiety isn’t just going to go away. You have to actively work on overcoming it.
Saying “I can’t because of anxiety” gives your power away to anxiety. When you give your power to anxiety you keep letting it win.
Saying “my anxiety” means you’re identifying with it which solidifies its existence even more. YOU are not anxiety. It is a feeling that you experience.
It may not seem like a big deal, but our words matter- our subconscious listens.
Here’s what you can do to start taking your power back simply by shifting your self-talk:
Rephrase “my anxiety sucks” to something like “it sucks when I feel anxious”. There’s a degree of separation when you turn it back into the feeling that it is and remove it from being who you are.
When you want to avoid something because it makes you anxious rephrase “I can’t because anxiety” into something like “even though this could make me feel anxious I know that it will get easier the more I do it.” There’s empowerment that comes with giving yourself the chance to have a different experience.
No longer accept anxiety as a part of your life that just is what it is. Actively work to overcome your anxious feelings through changing your self-talk, practicing self-care, going to therapy, and whatever other healthy methods you know work for you.
Keep in mind that this will take time. Self-talk is habitual. It's burrowed deep in your brain and it will take intentional action to change it- but it’s super doable! Changing the way you speak to yourself is a small, yet impactful way to start shifting how you see anxiety and how much control it has over you.
Thing two: Your beliefs are keeping you in a box of suffering
Believing that being an anxious person is just who you are will make you stuck as being an anxious person. If you believe that because of everything that’s happened to you you’re stuck being an anxious person- you’re right.
You have to choose to believe differently.
Now don’t be a sarcastic schmuck! Obviously you can’t just say “I’m no longer an anxious person!” and suddenly you’re anxiety free. I’m not saying that at all. What I’m saying is you have to allow yourself the option to believe differently. That despite your life experiences maybe you do have the capacity to overcome anxiety. (You do!) That maybe you are capable of no longer being an anxious person. (You are!)
I mean, let's be real, you probably believed in Santa and now you don’t. Then there’s the tooth fairy. And the Easter bunny.
At one point you believed your parents knew everything. Then you believed they knew nothing and you knew everything. And then you realized that you actually don't know a whole lot.
The point is... how many beliefs have you had that you no longer believe to be true?
Why couldn’t you do the same when it comes to how you view yourself and anxiety?
Remember YOU are not anxiety. Anxiety is what you feel. Like I said about self-talk, your beliefs won’t change overnight, but the mere possibility of something different is all the spark you need to initiate true change.
Thing three: You're putting your own needs on the backburner. On repeat.
Stop throwing yourself on the effing backburner! I say this with such vehemence because of the absolute struggle, physically and mentally, that I see women go through to get themselves back to a healthier place. The ones that “let themselves go” so they could take care of everyone else and a lot of the time didn't get the appreciation they deserved and even were guilted if they dared to do something for themselves-whether it was from someone else or they were guilting themselves. Complete ridiculousness.
Excuse me while I go on a tangent: I have been using the term “wellness warrior” for a couple of years now because these days it’s like we actually have to FIGHT for our wellness! How crazy is that? I even created a group called the Wellness Warrior Tribe specifically for women to help support them in reducing stress and anxiety through movement, nutrition, and self-care. Somehow it seems like something as simple as self-care has to be defended due to society’s ridiculous expectations or rationalized due to our own guilt. It’s complete balderdash, honestly. And it’s time we changed how we view self-care and wellness. Self-care is essential. Self-care is healthcare. Self-care is sacred. It is not selfish. Period. Exclamation point!
Anyway...
In this context when I say "self-care" I don’t just mean taking a vacation or having a spa day or soaking in a bubble bath with a glass of wine (all great options, btw). I mean caring for your whole self.
Eat heathy most of the time and you’ll feel better mentally and physically. This includes letting yourself have foods you really enjoy sometimes -without guilt- that aren't as nutrient dense. Food is fuel and meant to be enjoyed.
Get some kind of movement in every single day. Movement is especially helpful in moments of anxiety to redirect your thoughts. Don't complicate it- go on a walk, do a Youtube workout, join a class at the gym, lift weights- do what you like to do!
Recover at least just as hard as you stress over things. Recovery practices accumulate just like stress does, so don't skip the 2 minutes of deep breathing simply because it's only 2 minutes.
Get good quality sleep. This has been a big one for me- still in progress- when I sleep well I feel so much better and don't get rattled as easily.
Food, movement, recovery, and sleep are keys to not only feeling less stress and anxiety, but also feeling good, confident, and capable.
Your self-talk, your beliefs, and your self-care are keys to overcoming anxiety and stress. Change will take time, but with intentional, consistent effort you will notice how much stronger and confident you feel. You'll look back on the really hard anxious days as things of the past because that's not who you are anymore.
You got this! ♥♥♥
Which one of these stuck out to you the most? Tell me in the comments below! And, as always, if you feel like you need more support with movement, nutrition, or mindset/self-talk then send a message to me at janna@jl-wellness.com and let's chat!
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