What I Wish I'd Understood About Anxiety Sooner

Therapy can be immensely helpful and it can also leave ya hanging a bit. This is about how my therapist did and didn't help me with anxiety. And what I wish I'd understood about anxiety sooner.

My therapist had a huge impact on where I am today. Let's call him Bill.

One of the first things that Bill worked with me on was my self-talk and it was absolutely GAMECHANGING.

See I had the tendency, as a lot of us do, to talk really shittily to myself- especially when I was in the midst of an anxiety attack. There was zero self-compassion. I'd tell myself things like: I'm so pathetic, there's nothing to be freaking out about, why am I so weak, I'm such a little b*tch. I'm going to be stuck like this forever. I hate this.

Of course none of that made me calm down. Big surprise, right? I'd just end up in tears feeling like I was worthless and wouldn't amount to anything because I couldn't handle...regular life? Ya know cuz traumatic events and the build up of stress in every day life and not taking care of myself like I should and having ridiculous expectations of myself wouldn't add up to anxiety. At all. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I just thought I needed to toughen up. Stop being a little b*tch. I should be able to handle EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE RIGHT NOW.

Silly me.

Maybe these kind of things resonate with you. You've felt like you should be able to handle it all. You've talked shit to yourself in the middle of a breakdown because why TF aren't you stronger?

It's actually crazy how much of a difference self-compassion makes. Once I started treating myself like I'd treat a loved one who was struggling with the same thing- the intensity came down. I didn't hate on myself as much. Anxiety attacks weren't as intense and they weren't as long. I didn't fear them happening like I used to.

I don't feel less than because I struggled sometimes. I had to accept myself.

That truly was lifechanging for me.

Enter side tangent:

If you struggle with self-compassion and treating yourself as you would a loved one doesn't work for you, then I have some questions for you to ponder:

When did you first start believing you weren't worthy of compassion or love?

What happened to make you start believing that?

And if you can dig deeply enough, whatever happened, what evidence is there that it actually had nothing to do with you?

That might sound a little confusing so let me give you an example by peeling back my own layers:

In my early 20s I was in a really bad place with my mental health. Anxiety was at an all time high bordering on paranoia. I was truly concerned for my sanity. I credit the therapist I was seeing at the time and the guy I was dating for keeping me on the sane side of the line.

There was a point, though, when that same guy told me he couldn't handle me always unloading on him. My anxiety had gotten to be too much. I internalized that. I was too much. I was a bother. And that wasn't the first time that I received the message that I was a bother.

I got really good at hiding anxiety after that. I didn't want to bother anyone. Of course it still leaked out now and then, but I've heard many times from people that I just seem really calm- and that's because I'd learned to not be "a bother".

Years later when I reflected back on that, trying to figure out where this whole being "a bother" fear came from, I realized it wasn't actually about me. I wasn't a bother. He had reached his own limit and was dealing with his own things. And let's be real, communication between us was not on point. It took me a long time to realize that.

It's still a belief that I'm unlearning and rewriting.

These beliefs we hold about ourselves a lot of the time aren't our own- yet they dictate our lives.

Digging into why we believe a certain thing about ourselves, the root, and rewriting that belief is up to us. It's 100% possible- if we choose to do it. And get the help to do it if we need it.

Anyway: self-compassion. Work on that. It's essential to kicking anxiety in the 🍑

So getting to that thing that my therapist Bill said that was super unhelpful...

There was a span of time- 3 or 4 years- that I'd get a lot of anxiety around being hungry. This was rooted in a fear of passing out-even though I've never once had issues with low blood sugar. I once told Bill that being hungry made me anxious. His super unhelpful response was "Well eat something!"

No shit Sherlock- ya don't think I've already been doing that and constantly carrying around snacks like I have a flock of 2 year olds with me at all times?

And in my head I'm thinking... but why is this happening? How do I fix it? I can't just keep living life snacking at all times to avoid feeling hunger at all!

Yes, it basically got to that point. And I know it contributed to weight gain. It wasn't that bad at the time I talked to him about it- but this went on under the surface for a couple more years.

Ultimately, I had to research it myself to figure out what was going on physiologically and then tie that in with my behaviors and my thought processes. Spoiler! It was all an anxiety explosion waiting to happen 🫠

Briefly, here's what I learned: if your blood sugar is on a roller coaster because you're skipping meals or eating snacky foods that are going to digest in 2 seconds, then you're likely going to feel sluggish and/or revved up. This is because when blood sugar goes down, if you don't eat something for long enough, then epinephrine will get released in order to cause glucose stores to be pushed into your blood stream. What does epinephrine do? It's adrenaline. It activates your fight or flight response which can cause you to feel jittery and anxious. So you go from feeling sluggish because your body is low on fuel to revved up cuz adrenaline. And if you drink way too much caffeine (like I used to) and you're already prone to anxiety- well you can see where this is headed.

But Bill didn't tell me this could be what was happening- heck he might not even know about these things- so I spent years dealing with this and eventually figured things out on my own.

The way I fixed this for myself? I moderate my caffeine intake quite a bit. I also eat foods that will keep me satisfied and help keep my blood sugar fairly stable. I also pay attention to my self-talk and thought processes. Sometimes I can FEEL how a thought translates to a feeling of anxiousness in my body. If I'm aware enough in the moment.

This is just another reason why I created the SNAP Method program where I help you become more resilient against anxiety and stress through sleep, nutrition, activity, and personal self-care.

I spent a long time figuring things out for myself that I wish someone could have just guided me in. Knowing things is half the battle. Then there's the doing. And the guidance and accountability to keep you doing the doing. I feel so strongly about this because anxiety f*cking sucks and we have more power over it than we realize. Therapy isn't enough by itself. Clearly. If you found yourself relating to this and you've been trying to get a better handle on your anxiety so you can get to a place of feeling calmer and more in control of your days, but feel stuck- email me at janna@jl-wellness.com.

Even if you simply resonate I'd love to chat about your experience. You're not alone.